Siyum Shas!

I have not posted in a LONG time.  Why not?  Life just not giving time.  As a Reverend for the community I have found myself spending more time involved in that than expected.  Then has been the studyign in Kollel half day while tryign to drive a business at the same time which has consumed even more time, especially as I refuse to let anything compromise the time I spend with my kids.  That time is sacrosanct, they need it, I need it, and work and studies get put aside to ensure that they are not compromised.

So I have not posted much, but I have continued on with Daf Yomi- and while I have fallen behind (I should be halfway through Sukkot now instead of just finishing off Yoma) I continue.  I started Daf Yomi when the cycle was in the middle of Yoma- I started from the beginning of Yoma, then skipped the end of end to do Sukkot with everyone else.  Now I am on the last Daf, an amud to go, a mere paragraph left and I find myself almost scared to just complete it.  It has been over 7 years, many times the parallels between what I was studying and my life a “coincedence” of cosmological proportions.  Sometimes happily, sometimes sadly. I was studying hilchos Aveilus when my grandmother died, Bava Kama when gettign a business going, kesubos during my divorce.

Since I always studied Daf Yomi by myself, using the “Dial A Daf” shiurim I purchased on DVD and loaded onto my iPhone, I generally did not do a Siyum at the end of each masechta.  When I reached the end of masechta Chullin, the Rosh Yeshivah insisted I do a siyum and I remember the faces of my boys as they sat there, amongst the bochrim, next tot he Rosh Yeshivah and my father, the mashgiach ruchani and other Rabbonim and looking looking proud.  They had been at their own siymim at school- in Grade one when they finished their first parsha, my older son when they finished Bereishis, but still I could see how much it meant to them to be there with their dad when he did a Siyum.

Now I stand that one paragraph away from finishing Shas and I look back at the journey, and look forward to the chazarah and repeatig it all over the next 7 years.  I have committed to doing a Siyum Shas, sent out the invitations and prepare for what comes next.  The last few lines beckon and I look forward to  Hadran Eiliechah masechta Yoma v’Talmud Bavli!

Yom Kippur 5771- Understand where things come from

There is an interesting drosha in the book “Darchei Mussar” by R’ Nieman- he makes the point that one should not have pride because they are wealthy, because they are wise, because they are mighty etc. After all- these are all subjective measures- the rich of one town may be poor in another; the judges and scholars of one era less knowledgeable than those of other eras; the mighty warriors defeated by others whose might is greater than theirs. More than this, does not the knowledge of Hashem make the knowledge of mankind seem non-existent? Is G-d not the ruler of the whole world and thus possessed of incalculable wealth? Is not G-d called a man of war in the Torah, mightier than entire armies? In the end, the achievements of man seem to be meaningless- and thus the famous dictum of King Solomon : Everything is merely vanity and ultimately worthless.

However, this is a nihilistic approach if not understood properly. Judaism does not see our actions as meaningless, but as being exceptionally valuable and have enduring and lasting value. This is where we see the difference- it is not in what we achieve that there is value, but in the action and the intent behind doing it! R’ Nieman uses the example of two people- both of whom study a daf of Gemmorah, of day, both have the same knowledge at the end of studying the daf, both the same understanding- the difference is that for one it requires but an hour, the other requires the entire day. R’ Nieman points out that since it is the intention and the action that is important, not what is ultimately achieved, the one who takes his entire day out to study the daf, who has to work harder to understand it, would ultimately receive a greater reward for his greater effort! Does this mean that the other person can never achieve that level reward? Of course not- but perhaps for him it would entail having to study two or three dafs- maybe for him he needs to study more mussar or halacha. Perhaps he can enhance his study fo the daf by studying more meforshim or following the development of the hallachah to the hallachah l’ma’aseh. Each of us has those things that are easy for us to achieve, and there is nothing wrong in working to our strengths- but then we must not use that as an excuse to step back and devote our energies elsewhere!

More than the above, there is another important factor as to why we should not have too much pride in what we achieve. On Rosh Hashanah we all stood and recited u’netaneh tokef, as we will again on Yom Kippur. There we state that G-d will decide on our fates, who will become wealthy, who poor, who will increase, who will decrease, who will be healthy, who will be sick and so on. In unetaneh tokef we have a direct statement that what we achieve in this world is dictated by G-d. If G-d decrees wealth for us, we will receive wealth- if not, we will not. What is important, what we are judged on then, is not what we achieve- but what we do. Not what the ultimate realisation of our efforts is- but what are efforts are! The ultimate realisation of the Yamim Noraim is that G-d is the king of kings, the ultimate ruler and that events in the world transpire according to his design. What we will achieve is dependent on what he has decided- it is in his hands what we will receive- what is in our hands is our actions, what effort we put into things, what our intentions are and where our hearts lead us.

In a few days time we will stand in shul on Yom Kippur- we will pray to Hashem to seal us for a year of goodness, to inscribe us for life, not just in this world, but in the world to come. While we do this, let us keep in mind that Hashem is the king of kings, the ultimate ruler who will dictate this- but that for us to merit his greatest blessings, we have to show our willingness to submit to his rule through our actions and our intentions. Then, just as an ordinary king will reward those courtiers who are loyal and work in his best interests, so too will we merit to be sealed for a good year, to be sealed intot he book of life in this world and the world to com.

GMAR CHATIMAH TOVAH to all of you, your families, your communities and to all klal Yisrael

Rosh Chodesh Elul 5770

Today is Rosh Chodesh Elul, tomorrow is the first day of Elul. As always, we enter into the month of Elul with trepidation. Unlike Tishrei, it does not have any great days- all those are next month, starting with Rosh Hashanah, followed by first Yom Kippur and then Sukkot. Yet it is now, as the moth before them begins, that we do the most introspection, now that we start preparing to stand before Hashem, the Dayan Emet, the true judge, from whom nothing is hidden and who will make a true, just and complete accounting of our past year when he passes judgement on us. So, as Elul dawns, we start the month with trepidation, as we start taking a truly honest look at ourselves as we begin to account for our actions.

In the morning, during shacharit, the sound of the shofar is a plaintive cry, a sound to awaken our souls to repentance. But should we be in despair? Should we be standing there, fearing, weeping, scared because we know we have not been perfect? Are we doomed because we have failed to perform every mitzvah precisely? Do we need to view ourselves as beyond help, beyond redemption? Of course not! In fact, we are forbidden from viewing ourselves as sinners- and no man is ever beyond the power of Teshuvah!

Rav Dessler in Micthtav me’Eliyahu has an interesting essay on Midat HaRachamim (I am still being reading this drosha, so I may update this when i have completed studying this particular drosha). At the start of this essay he makes the point that it seems contradictory that G-d can be true judge, yet judge us with mercy! Surely the dictates of being a true judge would compel him to judge strictly according to the law without the benefit of mercy? And if that is the case, why do we bother with the mentioning of Avraham, Ya’akov and Yitzchak in our prayers and hoping that in their merit, G-d will show us mercy? If G-d, the true judge, is bound to judge us only strictly and by the letter of the law, then how can he find mercy for us merely because he shows us mercy because of the actions of the Avot?

Perhaps the answer lies in the fact that whenever we do something there are always multiple motives. Yes, we might have done something wrong, our primary motivation being wrong- but what of our secondary motivations? What of those hesitations, that second guessing of ourselves, the misgivings we have even as we undertake an action? Yes- the action was wrong, but is it always that harsh? In secular courts they will look for extenuating circumstances, look for reasons why an action, while wrong, can be forgiven to a certain extent.

Now if we, mere humans who can only emulate the great midot of Hashem can judge with mercy, can look beyond the harsh facts, surely G-d, whose capacity for mercy, whose capacity for love and understanding exceeds anything human,can do so as well? The avot trusted in G-d completely, judging every statement of his in the best possible light. Imagine if Avraham had evaluated and judged the statements of G-d the way we do the statements of our fellow man. Imaging if, when G-d told him to leave his country, his home, his family and go to an undetermined location if he had judged it harshly? Imagine if Yitzchak, when being told by his father that G-d would provide the sacrifice had stood there, evaluated and judged the words harshly- and decided that, strictly speaking, he didn’t like the idea of being a sacrifice? Imagine if Ya’akov, who went through so many hardships had decided to throw in the towel, had turned back and settled with Lavan so as not to face the power and vengeance of Esav? Each of the avot was tested, each had to make a decision whether to judge G-d’s word on faith and hope, or strictly and by man made standards. They chose to judge faith and hope and thus created a nation worthy to receive the Torah- if they had judged as men, subjected the promises and hardships they underwent to the harsh judgement of cold logic, the Jewish nation would never have been born! It is a common phrase and belief in Judaism that hashem judges “measure for measure”- and thus why we feel confident that if we mention the Avot G-d will judge us lightly just as he judged them lightly.

Thus, as we start looking at ourselves tomorrow, as we start our period of introspection, correcting ourselves and our actions, seeking out those flaws we need to fix, seeking out the deeds we need to atone for, the people we need to approach for forgiveness- we should not see ourselves as sinners. We should not see ourselves as being evil and beyond redemption. Rather, we should judge ourselves as hashem judges us, as the avot judged the words of Hashem. we should look at our deeds to se ehow they can be improved so they can pull us forward, lead us into a closer relationship with G-d. We should find how we can negative the negatives into positives, judge ourselves with mercy and understanding, and find hope that we can improve ourselves and merit a judgement for a good and sweet year!